What you gain by giving

Kindness is a catalyst for a great potential of change

A single act of kindness from a stranger while I was sitting in a café about 40 years ago in Australia, changed my life forever.

When I was young, I had low self-esteem, I used to walk funny and, until I mastered the Australian accent, talk funny. Furthermore, I could not afford to buy pastries like all the other teenage girls in the group I was with at the cafe. So, as I sat with them, I felt gawky, unworthy and almost like an outsider. It was in that moment, a handsome man — a total stranger — sent me a piece of cake with a note that read, “you are as beautiful as an exotic flower”. The feeling that was triggered inside me, at a time that I did not feel beautiful and could not afford the cake, was so powerful. Suddenly, I felt as if I was beautiful and complete, and it created a determination in me that I would make others feel the same way.

It dawned on me that our actions have the potential to create a deeper impact, especially when it directly affects others. Whether it is picking up a piece of trash that someone else threw on the road, putting on a mask while we venture outside or even paying for a pending coffee; sometimes all it takes is a small act to make a drastic change. You have probably heard of the ‘butterfly effect’, which suggests the minor movements of a single butterfly flapping its wings has the power to set off a string of escalating events that can lead to the formation of a hurricane. In the same way, a single act of kindness can eventually lead up to a big difference, in not only our lives but perhaps even in the future of our world.

Giving and helping, out of a sense of kindness, is highly beneficial for us.

That act by a stranger changed my life and inspired me to put that same kindness into the world. Now, when I make others feel the same way and they, in turn, pay it forward, I like to imagine the ripple impact it can have on a whole group of lives. When we recognize that our actions affect others positively, it brings a sense of joy that is actually deeper and more grounding than pleasure. Scientific research backs up the notion that giving in any form — one’s time, talent or treasures — is a powerful pathway to finding purpose, transcending difficulties, and finding fulfilment and meaning in life. Which is why kindness is so powerful; it triggers a greater sense of being.

“Those who are not looking for happiness are the most likely to find it, because those who are searching forget that the surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others.”

• Martin Luther King, Jr.

For a very long time, we believed that human beings are hard-wired to be selfish and to compete as though everything was about survival of the fittest. However, there is a growing body of evidence that shows us that we have evolved to be compassionate and collaborative in our quest to survive and thrive.

One such example that I would like to point out is in a study of alcoholics going through the Alcoholics Anonymous program. Those who helped others were nearly twice as likely to stay sober a year later, and their levels of depression were lower as well. Experts call this the ‘wounded healer’ principle. Helping has a tremendous benefit for those who need it, and for the helpers themselves. People with chronic pain who counsel those with similar conditions experience a drop in their own symptoms of pain and depression.

We can help our children reap the benefits of kindness too.

As parents and teachers, it is important that we help our children understand that their actions have impacts and that what they put out into the world is often what they will get back. As the old adage goes, ‘you reap what you sow’. However, it is not enough to simply instruct children to be kind, because children learn by what they see us do, not by what we say.

My son has watched me keep glucose biscuit packs in the car and hand them out whenever someone in need comes to the window. As a mom, I crafted it so that he always shared his birthday gifts with children in the orphanage. I believe that it is important to show our children that kindness is more valuable than expensive gifts — that the amount of money spent is nowhere near as important as the amount of thought. So, my son and I would discuss and debate about what the children at the orphanage would like or need. Sometimes, we would gift all the children art kits and at other times, we would gift the centre a television set. Once, we even built and gifted the orphanage a library. The point was not to give what we could spare, but always to try and spread joy in their lives

Kindness is a catalyst for a great potential of change. In this tough world that we live in, a simple act can go a long way to change another’s life. In the same respect, there is one thing that we all need to remember; kindness is not something that we only need to bestow upon others, but also upon ourselves. It can be beneficial to forgive failures and errors if we are willing to continue striving towards making a change. Ultimately, holding on to past events and feelings can become a burden that we pass on. So, being kind to ourselves may not only change our own lives but the lives of our children as well.